I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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