got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
