I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Small penises have feelings too.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
