Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize