Small penises have feelings too.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
