dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
