i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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