The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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