well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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