its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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