What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
