oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
