it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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