i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
