yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
