My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
