Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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