Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize