I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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