Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
