So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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