I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just pee around me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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