Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
