her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
