I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
