Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
