When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
