I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
