Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
