you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize