Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
