I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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