it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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