I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
