so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ladies don't puke and tell
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
