It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
