we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
