Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
