Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
