Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
