I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
