She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
