Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
