if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
