i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
