we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
