Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
