Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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