You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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