i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
