nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
