thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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