he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
