I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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