College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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