why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
