The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
