Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
