All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
