I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
