You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
