I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
