i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
