Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
