if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
