he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
love makes seman taste better
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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