She said her name was "party"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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