My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
