it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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