This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
