When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
