I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
