UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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