Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
