I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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