we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
