i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
