dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
