So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize