btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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