Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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