I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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