I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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