i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize