Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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